Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
The teller complied and the man got away with $400. Unfortunately for him, he left his demand-note behind. It was on a half-slip of paper. He also dropped the other half of the paper outside the bank as he fled.
Together, the two pieces of paper made one important whole. The man had written his demand on the back of his pay-stub, which had his complete name and address.
The police arrested him on Monday. He faces a possible 20 years in prison.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Knees. The bendy part at the middle of your leg.
Sue is so terrified of knees that she has not touched her own knees in the past 16 years. She cannot utter the word "kneecap" without crying. She cannot look at her husband's knees. Until recently (after therapy sessions), she was unable to wash her knees.
"I don't like my own. I can't touch them. I certainly can't touch anyone else's,... I know it's strange. People tease me about it and they have got every right to. But I think I'm the normal one and everyone else is weird." said Sue (notably omitting the use of the word "knees" in her explanation).
Another woman, Louise Arnold, has an irrational fear of peas.
Louise explains her pea phobia: "They (the peas) tend to just look at me – ganging up on me. All the hairs on the back of my neck go up. I have to know where they are in the supermarket before I go in. It's just controlling my life now. I would like to be a dinner lady at my daughter's school, but I'm not even able to be in the same room as someone eating them."
For a previous post about a woman who has koumpounophobia (fear of buttons) and other phobias, see http://tinyurl.com/853upp
Friday, December 26, 2008
I was not planning to post anything until Monday, but this information is timely and “green.” It is about saving the planet and restoring relationships through recycling and reusing fruitcake.
Fruitcake recycling.com has some wonderful suggestions on what people can do with the fruitcakes they were given for Christmas.
a fruitcake dartboard, a fruitcake knife holder, a fruitcake utensil caddy,
a doorstop or a decorative holiday centerpiece!
Here are some other timely suggestions:
- Put one in the trunk of your car to aid with traction
- Use fruitcake next time you need to put your car up on blocks
- It comes in handy with a wobbly table or chair. Slice off as much as you need and put it under the short leg.
- Use as speed bumps to foil the neighborhood drag racers.
- Fruitcake makes a handy hammer.
- Kids can use fruitcake to make an indestructible fort.
- You could use fruitcake as the weights on a grandfather clock
- Fruitcake makes a colorful sail boat ballast
- Fruitcake works as a counterbalance weight on a cantilever crane.
For other timely suggestions on how to use, reuse, or recycle your fruitcake, visit: http://www.fruitcakerecycling.com/crafts.html
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
This car was observed by police as it whizzed down a highway in Germany. It is so full of stuff that they could hardly see the driver.
The woman has not been identified. However, she has been told that she can not drive again until she passes a tidiness test.
I'll bet her cell phone is in there somewhere, too.
He wore a black ski mmask and brandished a knife. Unfortunately, he should have written a nnote.
It sseems that the would-be thief used to work at that particular Dunkin Donuts. He also has an unfortunate stuttering problem that was rrecognized immediately by one of his former cco-workers.
The cco-worker called the police, who immediately arrested Fredrick Brantley. When they arrested him, he had a Dunkin Donuts bag with $300 in it and a knife.
Brantly has been ccharged with armed robbery.
The stutter may be helped by a speech therapist. The idiocy is untreatable.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Most bird owners also keep their birds in a cage (most of the time) because a bird flying around the house can be quite unsanitary.
That is, most bird owners.
Last week, city officials in Berlin investigated complaints of bird noises emanating from the apartment of 60-year-old retired man.
Upon entering the two-bedroom apartment, they were surprised to find un-caged birds. Not one or two. Not five or six. Not one or two hundred. They found 1,700 parakeets (budgerigars) flying free in the apartment. The birds were living on perches that the man had placed along the walls.
As you might expect, the floor was saturated with bird poop, as was nearly everything else in the apartment.
The man said that he had started with two birds because he was lonely... then they started to create little birds.
The parakeets are being relocated. Birdman's apartment has been ruled "unfit for human habitation" and he has been forced to leave.
Friday, December 19, 2008
On Monday, Burger King debuted a meat-scented body spray called "Flame." Although tongue-in-cheek, the product is not a hoax. The product description says,
The WHOPPER® sandwich is America’s Favorite burger. FLAME™ by BK® captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.
Don't rush to your nearest Burger King because they won't have it for sale. The chain is selling it through a costume retailer in New York called Ricky's. But you can purchase a can of Flame by following this link.
original story: http://tinyurl.com/5ua963
Did you know that the answer to life the universe and everything is 42?
Really. According to Google search, it is 42.
Google shows a sense of humor by planting "Easter Eggs." For these to work, you must go to a Google page that allows you to click "I Feel Lucky.”
Answer to Life the Universe and Everything
Once in a Blue Moon
Number of Horns on a Unicorn
find Chuck Norris (this one only sometimes works)
My favorite one is to search for french military victories... I took a screen shot of my results:
check it today... because this is an external "bomb" which Google might fix in a few days. And… apologies to my French readers. :)
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
This week, in two unrelated stories, three Florida men find themselves going to jail for stealing some unusually stupid items: an egg beater and urine.
The first story comes from Plant City, Florida where two men, Robert Thompson and Taurus Morris, have been charged with burglary and aggravated assault.
It seems that recently, the two men broke into a home around 4:00am. One man held the knife to the homeowner's neck while the other pointed a gun at him.
Their demand? They wanted his egg beater. That's all. His metal egg beater.
The two beater-thieves ran off with their take, only to be caught a short time later. When they were apprehended, one of the men was carrying the egg beater in his back pocket.
Why? you ask. Dunno. They didn't say.
The second story comes from Gainsville, FL, where a man is under arrest for stealing his own urine.
The 26-year old man apparently learned that his urine test had proven positive. So, naturally, he broke into the lab, stole the entire sample-refrigerator and started a fire.
Police were able to obtain a list of the people who had urine samples stored in the fridge and were able to track down the thief. When they arrived at his house, they found pieces of broken glass covered with blood in his trash. The glass matched a window that had been broken at the lab. The blood was his. The refrigerator remains at large.
The urine-thief has been charged with arson, destruction of evidence, burglary and larceny.
http://tinyurl.com/62gfl3 (Tampa Bay Online)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
For example, one church has banned "O Little Town of Bethlehem" because it shows insensitivity to the current residents of Bethlehem.
What could be more sexist than referring to Jesus as "the newborn king?" In an effort to not offend, another church has changed the line "Hark! the herald angels sing, glory to the newborn king" to "...glory to the Christ child, bring."
Just as sexist, they say, is the Christmas carol that sings, "O come let us adore Him." So, that line (found in O Come All Ye Faithful) has been changed to "O come in adoration." Apparently it is inappropriate to refer to Jesus as a male since that alienates all women. (??)
The weirdest job has been done on the traditional 12 Days of Christmas. It has been rewritten by a church official who feels that it should reflect more social awareness. In hopes of making the song more socially relevant, he has changed it to:
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...
12 soldiers serving
11 lottery losers
10 hoodies hollering
Nine single mothers
Eight AIDS victims
Seven shoppers struggling
Six carers caring
Four calling conmen
Three starving children
Two addicts shaking
And a poor homeless refugee
Now, that's catchy! Let's join hands and sing that around the Holiday tree with the kids.
Monday, December 15, 2008
However, you also don't want to have it professionally wrapped, because this would be a dead give-away that you didn't do it yourself (not very romantic!).
The solution: Crapwrap. Firebox.com is willing to ship your gift pre-wrapped with cheap wrapping paper, complete with tears, stains and hair on the tape.
The company is currently paying 20 of it's male forklift drivers to wrap gifts for men who want their gifts to have that done-it-myself look. The forklift drivers are instructed to quickly wrap the gifts using as little care as possible. They use brown tape, inexpensive paper and nail-scissors for cutting the paper. The end result is a gift that looks like it was wrapped by, well, like by a man.
The service costs around $7. They will even send it to the post office in a brown paper wrapper with a badly-tied pink ribbon.
Claire Wood of Firebox.com said, ‘Nearly as many people are asking for CrapWrap as for our normal gift-wrap. Women like to think that their husbands and boyfriends took the trouble to wrap the present themselves, even if they made an appalling hash of it.
‘We launched CrapWrap as a bit of a joke but it’s proving so popular that I think we must have touched a raw nerve.’
for a similar post, see http://www.mypointless.com/2008/02/wanted-have-you-seen-this-man.html
Friday, December 12, 2008
(picture from my back yard...)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Here are the top 10 approved Scrabble words that will help anyone win:
1. Aa-- “basaltic lava having a rough surface.”
2. Qat – a flowering plant native to East Africa and the Arabian peninsula.
3. Zax – a slate mason, or the tool used to cut and punch nail holes in roofing slate.
4. Cwm – a valley, especially one created by glacial movement.
5. Xu – Vietnamese money
6. Qua – as or as being, or in the character of.
7. Suq – a market, or part of a market, in an Arab city.
8. Adz – an axe-like tool.
9. Jo – sweetheart or dear
10. Qadi – a judge in the Muslim community.
If you need to authenticate these words for your Scrabble buddies who won't accept mypointless as an authority on Scrabble, here is the URL you'll need:
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
You may recall that back in June, a woman in Hicksville, NY, lost her hearing after her daughter kissed her ear.
The little girl had returned from school. She was just glad to see her mother and gave her a "big smacker" on the ear. Mom went deaf in that ear.
This week, a woman in China lost her hearing when her boyfriend gave her an exceptionally vigorous kiss. This time, however, the kiss was not delivered to the ear, but to the mouth.
According to the doctors, the kiss caused the air pressure in her inner ear to drop and dislodged the eardrum, causing the woman to go deaf in her left ear. Fortunately, they expect that she will regain her hearing in a couple of months.
They never heard that kissing can cause deafness.
Monday, December 8, 2008
After he left the store, the security guards approached William. Being a quick thinker, William immediately drank the contents of the water bottle... including the pair of earrings.
We can guess that William assumed that swallowing the evidence would get him off the hook. It didn't.
William was given an X-ray that confirmed the presence of earrings in his stomach. He has been charged with retail theft and tampering with evidence. However, police had to wait for William to deliver the evidence.
No word on what police will do with the earrings.
Friday, December 5, 2008
As Janos' vehicle approached the border, the police noticed the would-be smuggler and challenged him. At that point, Janos decided to make a run for it.
The chase was on.
The chase was off.
Unfortunately, Janos' vehicle was an overloaded horse-drawn wooden cart (see picture).
Said one border police officer, "We have a fleet of high-powered vehicles that can chase down the fastest cars. Outrunning our officers was never a possibility - even if he had a thoroughbred racehorse strapped to his cart."
That was a fine bit of planning, Janos.