more sexist ads you just won't see today

for more sexist ads you won't see today, click the label below

ping pong pros

I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a few years in prison, please.

Last week, Alexander Lemke had a hankering to have some delicious McDonald's cheeseburgers. Unfortunately, he had neither the money nor the transportation to fulfill his appetite. So, he improvised.

Twenty-year-old Alex broke into his neighbors house and stole their 2005 Toyota Solara. He immediately drove it to the local McDonald's in Palm Harbor, Florida, pulled into the drive-thru at around 1:40am and placed his order.

Cashless but hungry, Alexander attempted to pay for his order by offering to give marijuana and prescription drugs in exchange for his food. The McDonald's workers immediately called the police, who came and arrested him.

Alex has been charged with grand theft of a motor vehicle and eight counts of drug possession (they found some in his stolen car). As a bonus, Alex was also charged with driving with a suspended license.

No word on whether or not Alex enjoyed any cheeseburgers.

http://snipr.com/zxubd [www_tampabay_com]

when I think of mom, I think of guns

be careful what you poke

memo: in this situation, don't bother

(when performing CPR, there are some things you need to evaluate first.)

crime wave on the police blotter

For more police blotter posts, click the label link below or in the label cloud.

memo:you will probably get caught if you hide your stolen loot with 3 forms of ID

Mark Chesney left the loot from a break-in covered with his jacket containing a medical prescription, a pawnbroker’s receipt and a mobile phone contract.

A thief was tracked down after leaving his ID with a bag of loot.  All the documents revealed his name, leading police to immediately trace him back to his home in Billingham, near Stockton, Teesside (UK).

more on this story

accident pictures that make you wonder how???

tip for parents: teaching your child to eat right

more odd business combinations

for similar posts, click the "odd business combinations" label below or in the label cloud

lost in translation retranslation retranslation retranslation

Automated translations can be awful.  Multiply the translations and it gets awfuler.

A reader recently sent me a link to the Funny Translator site.  At the website, the reader can enter text.  Then, the site submits it to Google for translation into another language, then back to English.  Then it resubmits the text to another language... then another... then another... up to 56 times. 

The results are sometimes amusing, useless, or even insightful.  Here are some of my submissions:

Original text:
"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb. Its fleece was white as snow."
...56 translations later we get:
"Mary and little food, and my gray maryakaburera"

Original text:
"Betty Boata bought a bit of butter. But she said, "This butter is bitter. If I put it in my batter it will make my batter bitter!""
 ...20 translations later we get:
"I bought a house a fire truck. He said: "It is painful, if you want to test the oil in my eyes."

Original text:
"Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal."
...30 translations later we get:
"4.7 years, the African continent is in a vegetative state, other things being equal, positive if equal conditions of freedom, new birth, our parents."

Original text:
"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday."
...56 translations later we get:
"Well, I will certainly continue to grow."

Original text:
"I like to be with you because I like being alone."
...40 translations later we get:
"Girl, I'm alone."

Original text:
"Why does everyone think I am paranoid?"
...56 translations later we get:
"Why do you feel paranoid?"

Original text:
"As for me, give me liberty or give me death."
...40 translations later we get:
"For me, give me death."

Original text:
"Hey, my armpits smell funky."
...40 translations later we get:
"Oh, the smell of armpits."

Original text:
"yada yada yada "
...50 translations later we get:
"Doctor"

Original text:
"Don't eat yellow snow."
...56 translations later we get:
"Do not eat yellow snow."
(which goes to show that some truths transcend languages and cultures)

Try it yourself- link

Thanks Andrew. :)

found: large white poodle

trains in trouble

Cast Away's "Wilson" makes a lousy prison guard

Two prisoners have escaped from a jail in Argentina which was using a dummy to man one of its guard towers.

Prison staff say only two of the 15 guard towers at the jail could be occupied at any given time due to a lack of resources, reports the BBC.

The illusion of an extra guard was created when they put a prison officer's cap on a football in a third tower.

Escaped convicts Walter Pozo and Cesar Andres, who were serving sentences for armed robbery, are still on the run.

"We've made a dummy out of a football and a prison officer's cap, so that the prisoners see its shadow and think they're being watched," an unnamed prison source told local newspaper Diario Rio Negro.

"We named him Wilson, like in the film Cast Away, and put him in one of the towers," the source added, referring to the volleyball Tom Hanks' character used for company.

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Prisoners_escape_jail_guarded_by_a_dummy

time changes things: signs of a successful person...

This program was designed a few years ago to teach children about character. The subtitle says, "A character education program to encourage learning from these role models."

And their choice for self-control was...


via The Tonight Show

odd names in the cemetery

for more cemetery stuff, click the cemetery label below....

not my job.

The animal had been killed on the A338 near Downton, on the Hampshire-Wiltshire border, but when council workmen came to paint white lines in the center of the road they decided to leave a space until the body had been removed.

Hampshire County Council has responsibility for line painting in the area, but it's up to New Forest District Council to clear any road kill.

Businessman Kevin Maul was on his way home from work when he clocked the break in the road's lines.

'I couldn't quite believe my eyes when I saw this poor old badger who had been there over a week,' he said.

'I'd seen him every day as I went by and wondered if he was going to be picked up.

'Then on Friday I drove home to see his body between the lines - they had painted the road, but left a gap where he lay.'

The badger has since been removed and the painting is scheduled for completion today.

story link metro.co.uk

for similar pictures and other achievements in laziness, click the "laziness" label below or in the label cloud.

eyeball pop-out

shoplifter pays bail with counterfeit bills... then asks for a refund

Ronald T White, 25 of Camden, NJ was arrested for shoplifting and posted his own bail for $400.

A few days later, he learned that the amount he paid was $200 more than he should have paid. So, Ronald returned to the police station and demanded his money back.

Unfortunately, Ronald isn't the brightest bulb on the tree. It seems that Ron had posted his bail by using some counterfeit $20 bills. The bills were easily detected because they were not printed on the right paper.

So, when Ron came to get his refund, he was promptly arrested for counterfeiting. To make matters worse, he had two more $20s with matching serial numbers... that also happened to match the ones he passed earlier.

Said Police Det. Sgt. William Covert, "You can't teach stupid,... He walks in the door looking for his money and we lock him up."

story link

well, almost nothing.

Star Wars on the subway

I would love to have been there. :)

sign me up! Model Sanziana Buruiana starts 'beautiful people' political party

A Romanian model who wants to improve the country’s image has started a new political party for beautiful people.

Sanziana Buruiana (pictured right) wants to heavily tax overweight citizens - at a rate of €10 per kilo (roughly $6 per pound) overweight - and punish anybody making 'dumb blonde' jokes.

‘Anyone like that needs to be put in prison,’ said the 23-year-old.

Other key planks of her policy platform include a €100 fine for infidelity, and a law insisting that only models in bikinis are allowed to work as tourist guides, something she suggests would boost Romania's popularity as a travel destination.

story link - Metro.co.uk

Memo to Sanziana: There is actually only one blond joke. The rest of the stories are true.

garfield minus garfield 2

I am not sure why these are so funny to me, but apparently, I am not alone. Garfield Minus Garfield is a site (and now, a book) that removes Garfield from his own comic strip... leaving an awkward, pointless and amusing result.

Garfield Minus Garfield: link
for another mypointless post of these: link

more people with parking problems

for more people with parking problems, click the "parking" label below or in the label cloud

creative way to solve a parking problem

city finds way to save money: ask swimmers to keep their mouths shut

Swimmers in Austria are being asked to keep their mouths shut at public pools to save money.

About 5,000 litres of water a day is thought to be swallowed by visitors to Vienna’s 18 baths.

Officials say the cost of replacing it is high, especially because swimmers are flocking to pools in the current heatwave.

Replacing that much water also has an environmental as well as financial cost, authorities say, due to the need to chemically treat the water.

Austrian pool managers have previously tried to ban Bermuda shorts from their pools due to the extra amount of water they absorb and take with them when the swimmer leaves the pool.

story metro.co.uk

Here is a better idea: ask swimmers to shut their mouths AND help fill the pool instead. That would solve the problem... the pools would get deeper and no one would want to drink the water.