Wednesday, April 30, 2008
This week, seven artists from Berlin are appearing in a special exhibit at an Israeli art museum. Their art is alive. Literally.
The students have allowed their hair to be infested with lice and for the next three weeks they will be on display for anyone to see.
Think you didn't read that right? Let me summarize: a correct title for the art exhibit could be "Seven artists living with head lice."
And do you want to know what makes it even better? The artists wear plastic shower caps over their lice-infested hair.
The seven artists will eat, sleep, bathe and live in a room at the museum where they can be observed by others. Art enthusiasts from all over the world will be able to watch them walk around with plastic bonnets on their head and imagine what the lice underneath might look like.
The "art" has been interpreted as a reminder of Nazi propaganda. However, one of the "artists" said that interpretation was not the original intention.
The display is no fluke nor is it some sort of weird prank. Before establishing the display, the artists sent a proposal to the art museum administration. The exhibit was chosen over other proposals.
One of the seven artists said, "We are serious. The lice are part of the art."
dear sirs, my foot fungus is now available for display.
And so, I now present to you this short slideshow of MOBA art. I encourage you to visit their site and join their contest for naming the last painting in this slideshow. (remember, you can control the show with your mouse)
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
That's right. An Australian news agency reported this week that researchers in South Wales have noticed that kangaroos don't burp as much as other animals-- which suggests that their stomachs are producing less methane gas than other animals. It follows, then, that if scientists can discover why kangaroos burp less, that they might be able to help other animals burp less.
Why is this an important stride in science? Why should a team of scientists devote themselves to this study? Because if humans can get cows and sheep to burp less, we can reduce methane emissions around the world. If we can reduce methane emissions, we can reduce global warming, thereby saving our planet.
Rest easier tonight. Drive your car with abandon. Scientists in Australia are on the job.
After the scientists straighten out the cow-and-sheep burp-problem, I know somebody they oughta visit.
Monday, April 28, 2008
So, Dan quit his $160,000-a-year job as an investment banker at UBS Bank in London and moved to the town of Bideford to learn carpentry.
Unfortunately, it didn't turn out as Dan expected. It seems he is allergic to wood.
"I had been fine just pottering around on my own but it all started to go wrong when I was doing it all day," he said.
"I was making my first professional piece - a workbench for myself - out of African hardwood when I started to notice this red rash all over my hands and arms.
"My eyes stung all the time and were really sore. They were always red and puffed up and it was really unpleasant."Wearing a mask and gloves doesn't help. Fortunately, Dan has found at least one wood (Welsh Oak) that doesn't cause the rash. He has moved again to be near his allergy-free lumber.
Ghost in a Jar
Item #: 2931457201
sold for $50,922 (according to the seller)
Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Item #: 5535890757
sold for $28,000 to the Golden Palace Online Casino
Cheese Doritos Pope Hat
tem #: 5565234667
sold for $1,209 to the Golden Palace Casino
Britney Spears’ Chewed Gum Wads
Item #: several
The highest winning bid was $14,000 (depends on authentication)
Friday, April 25, 2008
Unfortunately, during the course of the evening, the two men had an argument. After the argument, Yuri went to sleep.
In the morning, Yuri woke up and found that he was still at work. So, he took a bus home, cooked up some sausage for breakfast, and then lay down and went to sleep.
Yuri slept like a baby for a couple of hours... until his wife noticed something odd: Larry's back seemed to have a handle sticking out of it.
No, wait. Not just a handle. Upon closer inspection, she realized that it was a knife handle... and it was attached to a six-inch blade that was embedded in Yuri's back.
Yuri was rushed to the hospital where the knife was safely removed. Fortunately, the blade missed all of Yuri's vital organs and he is fine. Yuri's friend is facing criminal charges.
Yuri holds no grudge about the incident. He is quoted as saying, "We were drinking and what doesn't happen when you're drunk?"
I'm guessing Yuri sleeps on his stomach.
(for the poor of eyesight, here is the caption:)
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true.
Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the earth which will destroy all life.
Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Back in January, David J. Dalaia and James O'Hare wheeled the body of of Virgilio Cintron from his apartment in New York City to a Pay-O-Matic location.
Once at the Pay-O-Matic, the two men left the body outside (seated in an office chair) and attempted to cash Cintron's Social Security check. Unfortunately, the sight of a dead body in an office chair gained the attention of bystanders and police officers.
Accordingly, the two men were arrested on a number of charges: forgery, criminal possession of a forged instrument, attempted larceny and improper disposal of a body.
At the time, Police spokesman Paul Brown said, "The witnesses saw the two pushing the chair with Cintron flopping from side to side and the two individuals propping him up and keeping him from flopping from side to side."
Okay. The guy was flopping from side to side. He sure looked dead and they sure weren't taking him to a hospital. It certainly appears that they knew their friend was dead and they were trying to get the money. Slam dunk. Open and shut case.
Ahhhh.... but not so.
Yesterday, charges against the two men were dropped. The men say that they didn't realize that their friend was dead (?!). Since prosecutors can't prove when Cintron actually died, they have decided not to move forward with the case.
the original story: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22565251/?GT1=10755
the follow up: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24261131/
I'm trying to decide which is more stupid: two men who take their sick/dead friend to Pay-O-Matic or a legal system that can't build a case here.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Most people have a minor case of acrophobia (fear of heights) or glossophobia (fear of speaking in public). However, people who deal with true, full-blown phobias often experience sweating, rapid heart rates, fainting, panic, a desire to escape, etc.
This week, a student in Hampshire, England spoke publicly about the fear she wrestles with every day of her life: koumpounophobia.
Never heard of koumpounophobia? It isn't surprising since it is a pretty rare phobia (but clinically real). It is the fear of buttons.
Buttons: those things that keep your clothes closed.
Glillian Linkins, 22, says she can't even bear the sight of a button. She doesn't want to be near people who have them on their clothing. Wearing one would cause her to panic.
"I've had the fear as long as I remember. My mum says I freaked out when it was time to get dressed...
"For me touching a button would be like touching a cockroach. It feels dirty, nasty and wrong. When I was younger my brother used to tease me by opening my mum's button tin. I hid in my bedroom until he put them away," said Gillian
Today, Gillian only wears clothing with zippers. She also requires her boyfriend, Tony, to wear only clothes that zip.
There is no obvious psychological reason for her fear. Gillian has tried hypnotherepy and other methods to cure her it, but has found no success.
ten other strange phobias you probably didn't know existed: (again, these are real, clinical phobias)
- osphresiophobia: fear of body odor
- consecotaleophobia: fear of chopsticks
- xanthophobia: fear of yellow things
- optophobia: fear of opening one's eyes
- galiphobia: fear of French culture
- genuphobia: fear of knees
- octophobia: fear of the number 8
- doxophobia: fear of others expressing an opinion
- pentheraphobia: fear of mother-in-law
- phobophobia: the fear of being afraid
Monday, April 21, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
(I get a call for troubleshooting from a lady who says her remote doesn’t work.)
Me: “Ok ma’am, could you try changing the channel for me? Tell me if a light flashes on the remote.”
(There are a few loud beeps from her phone in my ear and she comes back on the line.)
Lady: “Nope, no flashing.”
Me: “Ma’am you’re trying to change the channel with your phone, not the remote control.”
Lady: “I can’t find the clicker, and I know my neighbor changes channels with her phone.”
Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not possible.”
Lady: “Don’t accuse me of lying! I saw her do it with my own eyes.”
(I try for 10 minutes to explain to her why she can’t use her phone, and even make a futile attempt to troubleshoot her phone.)
Me: “Ok, well it looks like your satellite receiver isn’t compatible with your phone.”
Lady: “Yes it is. My neighbor and I have the same phone and same receiver. NOW HELP ME, &*#$%*!”
Me: “Ma’am, do you have a cordless phone?”
Me: “Ok ma’am, let’s try reprogramming your phone. What I need you to do is press and hold the ‘off’ button for five seconds. This will clear the old code, so we can put the new one in.”
Lady: “Ok—” *click*
(I hear my supervisor a few rows away from me bust out laughing.)
I thought the tech was amazing for dealing with her that long!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Unfortunately for Demetrius, when he went to the store, it was busy. He felt there were just too many customers for him to do the job. So he waited. Smart move.
Not wanting to look too conspicuous while he waited, Demetrius asked if he could fill out a job application. He started filling out the form, just waiting for his moment to strike.
Finally, the moment arrived. Demetrius pulled out a knife and held up the store. He got away with an undisclosed amount of money.
Unfortunately, Demetrius left the job application behind. Being a smart guy, he wrote down a false address. Being a stupid guy, he used his real name and his uncle's phone number.
He has been arrested for armed robbery.
Maybe Demetrius read last week's post about the woman in Michigan.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
But here is a new one.
And, okay, it is gross.
In Australia, three men robbed a post office and got away with over $3000. Unfortunately, one of the robbers was so nervous about the heist that he vomited.
After the men departed, police forensics experts examined the pool of sickness and took samples. The DNA tests showed that the vomit belonged to Ahmed Habbib Jalloul, 20.
Mr. Jalloul has been picked up. The other two men are still at large.
Said police officer Col. Philips: "These days we use hair, blood, cigarette butts, spit, semen, everything to place someone at a crime scene."
memo: bring barf bag to heist
Monday, April 14, 2008
The law was intended to set the minimum age for marriage at 18.
Unfortunately, the bill had an extraneous "not" in it that actually made it possible for anyone--- even a toddler-- to get married with permission, (unless they are pregnant).
The bill that was passed read: "In order for a person who is younger than eighteen (18) years of age and who is not pregnant to obtain a marriage license, the person must provide the county clerk with evidence of parental consent to the marriage."
The law has been repealed. whew.
note: if every state required its lawmakers to be literate, this problem might have been averted.
Friday, April 11, 2008
How about $100 for a single cup?
You ask, "What could possibly make a cup of coffee worth a hundred bucks?" The answer is simple: rodent poop.
That's right. The most expensive cup of coffee in the world is made up of a mixture of two coffee beans: the Jamaican Blue Mountain and the Kopi Luwak. The coffee is called "Caffe Raro."
What makes Kopi Luwak so wonderful is that the Kopi Luwak beans are eaten by a rodent that lives in southeast Asia and China called the Asian palm civet (see picture).
The rodent is apparently a coffee connoisseur and only eats the finest and ripest coffee beans. Then, the enzymes in its digestive juices make the bean oh-so-good.
After the civet digests and passes the beans, workers collect the feces and separate the beans from the poop.
Then, the pooped Kopi Luwan beans are sold at more than $300 per pound. They are combined with the Jamaican Blue Mountain bean to make the special brew.
Want a cup? You can have one at Peter Jones in Sloane Square in England this month.
maybe they should have named it Caffe Crappe
Thursday, April 10, 2008
As part of the divorce settlement, Branko was instructed to give his former wife, Vukadinka, half of everything they owned, including half of all the farming equipment.
Branko was prepared to give his wife half of most things, but he wasn't too thrilled about giving her half of the farming equipment. So, Branko decided to take the court order very literally.
Branko took a grinding machine and cut all of his tools in half -- all of them-- including all the hand tools and heavy machinery (cattle scales, harrow, sowing machine).
"I still haven't decided how to split the cow," he told the newspaper.
does she get half the fertilizer too??
The TMZ article is about "sweat stained stars." Unfortunately, someone did a perfectly horrible job at editing the photo to show Beyonce's pit.
(As of this posting, the picture can still be seen on the TMZ site. It comes here via Photoshop Disasters blog.)
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
In Lewiston, ME a man stuck a full-sized Fender Stratocaster electric guitar (see picture) into his pants and successfully made it out of the store. Surveillance cameras showed the man shove the guitar into his pants while his two friends kept watch.
Even more remarkable is the fact that the same man tried the same trick back in 2006 and was caught while leaving the store.
of course, it wasn't too smart to do this trick in the same store as before... because now the police know exactly who they are looking for.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Last Thursday, a woman entered a bank near Detroit and filled out an application to open an account. Then, she pulled out a gun and attempted to rob the bank.
The woman lost her nerve and ran out of the bank. She left without any money... and left behind her completed application with real name and address. She also left behind her picture ID.
The bank manager gave the police her address. They went to her apartment and arrested her.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Amy's dog, a Labrador Retriever named "Ella" was in her fenced-in backyard when she was suddenly attacked by a pit bull terrier. The pit bull hurtled the fence and began viciously biting Ella.
Amy knew that her dog was in danger of losing her life. So, Amy went to her defense. Amy became, well, ferocious. At first, she wrestled the dog and tried to get the pit bull to open its mouth to release Ella. The pit bull held strong.
So, Amy decided to fight like a dog. She bit the dog smack on the nose and held on. She bit so strongly, in fact, that the pit bull's nose was bleeding into her mouth. (ack.) The pit bull gave-up on the attack and has been taken in for tests.
"I didn't plan it, that's what happened. I broke the skin and had pit bull blood in my mouth. I knew what happened, and I knew that it wasn't good."
(the pictured pit bull is not the dog in the article)
Thursday, April 3, 2008
1. If you are looking for cash or valuables, a funeral home is not the best place to rob.
2. If you try to rob a funeral home after hours, don't make loud noises upon entering, since dead people don't usually make a lot of noise.
3. If police come into the funeral home to investigate, do not attempt to hide by playing dead in a glass case where corpses are kept for viewing, since it will be quite easy to see you in there.
4. If you choose to pretend to be a corpse in a glass case, make sure your clothes are not dirty and wrinkled because dead bodies prepared for viewing are not dressed in street clothes.
5. If you decide to play dead with your dirty clothes on, don't breathe. This is a sure sign that you are not actually dead and will lead to your capture.
That advice seems pretty obvious even to those of us who are not thieves. It was not so obvious to a 23-year-old man in Burjassot, Spain.
Authorities don't know what the man was trying to steal, since there no cash or valuables were inside the Crespo Funeral Home.
The burglar made enough noise while entering the home that neighbors were alerted and called the police. When the police investigated the noise, they found the man "hiding" by playing dead in a glass viewing case wearing wrinkled clothes. Upon closer observation, the police noticed that the dead man in the casket was breathing.
"The custom here is for dead people to be dressed in suits, in nice clothes that look presentable. This guy was in everyday clothes that were wrinkled and dirty... He was trying to fake being dead, but he was breathing," one police officer said.
In this country, it is a custom for corpses to not breathe.