Monday, December 31, 2007
sent to me by Barry
Friday, December 28, 2007
Robert Schoff, 77, had a clog in his septic tank on Christmas Eve. Realizing that he would not be able to get someone to fix it on the holiday, Robert decided to unclog it himself.
So, he went out into his yard, uncovered the septic tank and reached his arm in there. But that wasn't all.
Robert slipped and fell head first into the septic tank and securely lodged in the opening with his feet and legs still flailing in the air above the tank.
About an hour later, his wife, Toni, happened to walk by a window and noticed a pair of legs kicking in the air above the septic tank hole. She ran out to rescue Robert.
Unfortunately, even though Robert is only 5 ft -5 in. tall and 138 lbs., Toni couldn't extract him from the hole. She called 911 and two sheriffs came to free him from the tank.
Robert, a master of understatement, said, "It wasn't good, I'll tell you what. It was the worst Christmas I've ever had."
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Let me see the clear image of my septic below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a glimpse of Bob's legs and his near-frozen rear.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
one reader said he was having trouble loading this video. if you have trouble, here is a link to the YouTube url
Wearing a ski mask and armed with a chrome desk-type stapler, Gerald entered The Ice Cream Shop in Ashland, KY and demanded their money. The clerks, apparently afraid of a guy in a ski mask brandishing a stapler, gave over $175 in cash.
Fortunately, eyewitnesses were able to direct police to where the thief had run. When they arrived at Rocchi's house, they found the money, a stapler, and a ski mask.
Investigators said that it is not clear whether Gerald planned to shoot staples at the clerks or if he was planning to use it as a blunt-force weapon. I am guessing Gerald hadn't thought that far ahead.
I am not sure which tells us more about Ashland, KY... the fact that they have a stapler-bandit in their population or that their ice cream shop is named "The Ice Cream Shop."
Monday, December 24, 2007
In Greenland, the Christmas feast includes Kiviak. Kiviak is a delicacy made from the raw meat of an auk (a diving bird of the North Atlantic-- see picture). Sounds yummy? Ah but wait! Kiviak isn't ready until the bird meat has been buried under a stone encased in a sealskin for a few months. "Good" Kiviak is in an advanced state of decomposition and smells like old blue cheese.
In Japan, they never send red Christmas cards because that is the usual color of funeral notices.
In Yugoslavia, on the second Sunday before Christmas, children tie their mother to a chair. They shout "Mother's Day, Mother's Day what will you pay to get away?" The mother gives them some gifts. On the Sunday before Christmas, the kids play a prank on their father... who again, responds with giving more presents.
Some Portuguese people celebrate a special feast on Christmas morning that is called "consoda." The table is set with extra seats for the souls of the dead. They are offered food in hopes that the dead souls will bring the family good luck.
In Caracas, Venezuela, the streets are closed on Christmas morning so that people can roller-skate to church.
In Britain, it is thought that if the Christmas pudding is sirred clockwise, it might cause a wish to come true.
In Norway, brooms are hidden in order to keep witches from flying around and disturbing Christmas Eve.
I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!
(next new post on the 27th... ummmm, or maybe the 26th if I feel motivated :) )
Friday, December 21, 2007
When Steve was born in 1985, his mother knew that she was unable to care for him. So, she made the difficult decision to put him up for adoption. At the time of the adoption, she gave the adoption agency permission to disclose her name if her child ever wanted to find her.
Steve was raised by Pat and Lois Flaig who supported him in the search for his mother. When he turned 18, he went to the adoption agency and learned the name of his biological mother: Christine Tallady.
Steve did Internet search. Unfortunately, the search turned up nothing.
Three years later, he looked at the adoption paperwork again and realized he had misspelled Tallady's name in his Internet search. He had spelled it Talladay, not Tallady.
This time, the search came up with an address-- less than a mile from the Lowe's store where he works.
The next day, Steve mentioned it to his boss who said, "You mean the Chris Tallady who works here?"
Steve was shocked. The woman who worked at the front of the store-- who he said "hello" to casually for months-- was his mother.
Steve didn't know how to approach Christine. After all, it isn't every day you introduce yourself to your mother. So, for two months Steve watched her from a distance wondering how he would do it.
Finally, he went to the adoption agency and told them his situation. A person at the agency volunteered to call Christine.
Christine was surprised to get the call and even more shocked to learn that she had been working with her own son.
"It was a shock. I started crying. I figured he would call me sometime, but not like this." said Christine.
Christine was overcome with joy and wept. Later that day, Steve and Christine said hello for the first time as mother and son. They are catching up for lost time.
found at "Worse than Failure"
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Mahmet Ali Kocaman- soon to be one of the richest men in Ankara.
This video is all over the internet, but the background of the story is not as easily found.
The incident happened on December 14, 2007 in Ankara, Turkey. The man in the video is Mehmet Ali Kocaman. He was a passenger in a car that had just crashed into a tree.
Following the video, he was (again) placed in an ambulance and taken to the hospital... with the back door firmly closed.
I think these advertisements are pretty amazing. I mean, the graphics on the trucks are perfect and fun.
If you can't make out what the second truck is about, the cab sign says "Impreza: it sticks to the road."
found at piculous.com
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Last month, a meat cutter at the Olson Locker in Fairmont, Minnesota was butchering a chicken when he came across a shiny object in the chicken's gizzard.
When he removed it and cleaned it off, he saw Aaron's name, former address and phone number engraved on it. With that information, it was easy to relocate Aaron.
Aaron assumes that he lost his bracelet while playing in his grandfather's barn. The barn was dismantled a few years ago, and the parts of it were used to construct a new barn 45 miles away in Elmore, MN- where chickens are kept.
MSNBC quotes Araron, "It was in pretty immaculate shape. Everything was working on it, and all the engravings on it were still legible. It was quite the surprise."
so, where do you think they get the toys that go with the McNugget Happy Meal?
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
On the first day of school, Toni Kay Scott came to school wearing a pair of socks with a Tigger (from Winnie the Pooh) character on them. The school district jumped to action and disciplined her for a rules violation. She was sent to the principal's office and given an in-school suspension for her infraction.
This week, the school district agreed to pay $95,000 to cover the legal fees of 5 parents who have sued the school district.... and they have to rescind the overly-strict dress code.
I guess this means that the courts are saying "pooh on you" to the Redwood School District?
Monday, December 17, 2007
A local policeman is quoted as saying, "He claims his right leg possessed a rare mystic power which makes his predictions come true. The locals believe in his powers to cure spiritual and physical ailments."
Unfortunately, some young men believed in the powers of Kondaiah's leg so strongly that they decided to steal it.
One day last week, the young men gave the 80-year-old Kondaiah a drug that caused him to pass out. They then used a sickle and a saw to remove the leg and carried it off. It appears that the thieves intend to use the leg for their own gain. They have not been caught.
Fortunately, Kondaiah was found and is now recovering in a local hospital.
a very strange story. It is unfortunate that his leg didn't see it coming.
memo: the leg in the photo is not magical and is still attached to its owner ;)
Friday, December 14, 2007
This year, the winners are:
Honorable Mention went to a warning label on a letter opener that says, "Caution: Safety goggles recommended."
3rd place- a label on a baby stroller that has a small storage pouch on the stroller. The label reads, "Do not put child in bag."
2nd place- a T-shirt transfer warning that says, "Do not iron while wearing shirt."
1st place (and the grand prize winner)- a small tractor has a warning label that reads, "Danger: Avoid Death."
for other warning labels see my previous post, warning: we think you are an idiot.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
yes, this advertisement was broadcast
Unfortunately, while helping the accident victims, Matthew was struck by another car traveling 70mph. He was flung far into the air and suffered two dislocated shoulders, one broken shoulder, a broken tail-bone, pelvis, and leg. But Matthew survived.
And now... this year, Matthew will appear in the 2008 edition of the Guinness Book of World Records because he is the world record holder for "Greatest Distance Thrown in a Car Accident." His record flight was 118 feet (36 meters).
Matthew submitted the paperwork back in 2003, but the record has not appeared in the book until this year. Nice going, Matthew. Let's try not to break it.
The picture is not Matthew. It is a stunt professional. Please do not attempt this at home. ;)
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Back in the day when "sexism" wasn't yet a word and "politically correct" wasn't yet a concept... ads like these were common.
These advertisements were originally printed in 1961, 1952, and 1953 respectively.
these pictures were taken from an article in the Daily Mail and are part of a new book entitled You Mean A Woman Can Open It?: The Woman's Place In The Classic Age Of Advertising.
"My wife doesn't need a watch. There is a clock on the stove."
for more sexist ads, click the label below or in the label cloud
Monday, December 10, 2007
Last week John Oakes, 70, was fired from his job as Santa at Myer department store in Cairnes, Northern Australia.
In a report in the Daily Mail, Mr. Oakes explained the reason for his firing: "The manager told me my services were no longer required... When I asked why, she replied, "You said ho-ho-ho and that's not appropriate.""
He was also guilty of singing Jingle Bells which is also against the store policy.
Why is ho ho ho "inappropriate" for Santa? Apparently the PC police believe that women might be offended by it because "ho" is slang for "a woman of the evening." They suggest that Santa should say "ha ha ha."
No explanation was given as to why singing Jingle Bells is a problem with the store.
The management company that hired Mr. Oakes (and gave instructions to their Santas not to say ho ho ho) insists that he was not fired for ho-ho-hoeing, but for his "attitude."
this causes us to question the meaning of Rudolph's red-light nose.
memo to all garden stores: the tool formerly known as a hoe must now be called a hae.
this is a real cemetery.
If anyone knows why anyone would give this name to a cemetery, please let me know.
--it is a "party" cemetery
--it is a cemetery for victims of ironic tragedy
--it used to be "ho ho cemetery" but some people found that name offensive (see post above)
Friday, December 7, 2007
This week, however, a gourmet grocery store in New York City hit the mother lode of ill-advised advertising. Balducci's grocery store in Greenwich village advertised a special on boneless hams as "Delicious for Chanukah" (Chanukah is an alternate spelling for Hanukkah).
The manager of Balducci's understandably feels like a real schlemiel and was not answering questions. The ham sale has been discontinued.
Next sale could be: Leavened Bread Delicious for Passover (see next post)
yes, it is a real loaf of bread and a real mouse...
mmmmmmmmmmm..... and notice how the tail has been cut.
follow up: Amy's comments about this picture encouraged me to do a little more work on this one. Below is a link which verifies that this picture is indeed real:
and for your viewing enjoyment, a similar story from the BBC: baby mice in bread
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Recently, Ms. Fang refused to take a disability pension because she says she is not disabled.
Ms. Fang was born with feet that point backwards. As odd as that is, she doesn't let it get in her way. She leads a normal life.
"I can run faster than most of my friends and have a regular job as a waitress in the family restaurant. There is no reason to class me as disabled." she said. Her family and friends agree that she can run faster than anyone she knows.
"I can walk as well as anyone else, and even run faster than them. I'm like everyone else - except of course that I put my shoes on backwards." she adds.
I really admire her. (But how does she live with a name like Wang Fang?)
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
click to see post
Joan Van Ark is best known for her role in the TV drama, Knots Landing. In her day, she was one of the most beautiful women on television. Joan is now 64.
The left is a picture of her after her recent plastic surgery... posing for photographers because she apparently feels she looks good.
The right picture is what she was trying to achieve again.
I feel sorry for her and to tell you the truth, I am creeped-out by her new look. There is something to be said for aging gracefully.
complete story and more pictures here
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
What they don't know yet, is that Freddy is a two year old child who just likes to play with paint.
This year, Estelle Lovatt started posting Freddie's "art" on Charles Saatchi's online gallery. She said her son was an art critic who was a "regular" in the art scene. The pictures (some painted with splattered ketchup) were posted with over-the-top captions.
For example, Freddie painted a bunch of red and green splotches. His mother posted on the web with the title "Sunshine" and these words:
Another painting entitled "The Best Loved Elephant" had this caption:
Lovett, an art lecturer herself, never dreamed that people would really be duped. "He sits on his high chair with a piece of paper and gets very excited at the mess he gets to make" she said.
The art gallery in Berlin and the art collector that purchased "Elephant" won't be quite so enthusiastic when they find out.
Now I don't feel so stupid. Modern art often looks like spattering of a 2 year old to me.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Lucky? Well, maybe not.
Unfortunately for Mr. Elliott, the Mass Lottery Commission has learned that in October 2006, Mr. Elliot pleaded guilty to unarmed robbery following a heist at a Cape Cod bank.
Under his probation agreement, Mr. Elliott has been prohibited from gambling of any sort. His probation clearly specifies that he "may not gamble, purchase lottery tickets or visit an establishment were gaming is conducted,including restaurants where Keno may be played."
The purchase of the ticket is a violation of his probation. Elliott may have to serve time in jail and/or lose the money, since purchasing the ticket was against the law... and criminals aren't allowed profit from the commission of a crime.
The $1 million is to be distributed in 20 annual installments of $50,000 each. Mr. Elliott got his first check (picture above) but may not be able to keep it... or any of the remaining nineteen. He has a hearing coming up on December 7.
good news... you get the luxury cell