Thursday, April 3, 2008

notes on robbing a funeral home

Judging from one news story this week, there are a few potential thieves in the world who ought to jot-down this information:

1. If you are looking for cash or valuables, a funeral home is not the best place to rob.

2. If you try to rob a funeral home after hours, don't make loud noises upon entering, since dead people don't usually make a lot of noise.

3. If police come into the funeral home to investigate, do not attempt to hide by playing dead in a glass case where corpses are kept for viewing, since it will be quite easy to see you in there.

4. If you choose to pretend to be a corpse in a glass case, make sure your clothes are not dirty and wrinkled because dead bodies prepared for viewing are not dressed in street clothes.

5. If you decide to play dead with your dirty clothes on, don't breathe. This is a sure sign that you are not actually dead and will lead to your capture.

That advice seems pretty obvious even to those of us who are not thieves. It was not so obvious to a 23-year-old man in Burjassot, Spain.

Authorities don't know what the man was trying to steal, since there no cash or valuables were inside the Crespo Funeral Home.

The burglar made enough noise while entering the home that neighbors were alerted and called the police. When the police investigated the noise, they found the man "hiding" by playing dead in a glass viewing case wearing wrinkled clothes. Upon closer observation, the police noticed that the dead man in the casket was breathing.

"The custom here is for dead people to be dressed in suits, in nice clothes that look presentable. This guy was in everyday clothes that were wrinkled and dirty... He was trying to fake being dead, but he was breathing," one police officer said.

In this country, it is a custom for corpses to not breathe.

No comments: