women... looking for a date in the classifieds?

for the record, I didn't personally find these... :)

...a man with a mixed message...




...and this guy is just plain creepy...

amazing accidents 3

man nails head

This blog has carried the true stories of various people who seem oblivious. First, there was the man who got his leg torn off in a motorcycle accident... and didn't notice. More recently, there was a story of a woman who had a bat in her bra and didn't notice.

These folks are in the same family as George Chandler.

George Chandler is a home renovator in the state of Kansas. He knows how to use power tools because he works with them all the time.

Recently, Mr. Chandler and his friend, Phil Kern, were putting up lattice work at George's home. In the process of their work, the air pressure hose for the nail-gun got caught and accidentally discharged just as Mr. Chandler stood up.

George and Phil looked all around for the 2.5 inch nail that had been shot from the gun and couldn't find it -- until Phil noticed that it was lodged deep in George's head.

George said he only felt a little sting and had not even noticed the nail in his head.

The two immediately went to the hospital to have the nail extracted. A doctor in the emergency room tried to pull it out with a pair of pliers but to no avail.

Chandler told NBC News, "He looked at me and said, 'I need a claw hammer',"

"I thought, 'Ah, he's just teasing'.

"He got a screwdriver at the same time, and he took the screwdriver and pried the nail up a little bit and got the claw hammer."

The nail was safely removed and Mr. Chandler received several stitches before being sent home.

http://bit.ly/VPNoA
broken link? http://backupurl.com/nmrt53

Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii

Take a guess. What do these have in common?

• Number 16 Bus Shelter
• Violence
• Benson and Hedges
• Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii

Song titles? Romance novels? Names of children?

If you guessed the last one, you are correct. These are actual registered names given to children in New Zealand.

These names came to the surface recently when a Family Court judge ordered that a girl be put into guardianship so that her name could be changed. Her name: Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.

Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii is just nine years old. Her lawyer argued that she was so embarrassed by her name that she refused to tell her friends. She is afraid of ridicule and embarrassment so, she has been going by the name "K" (not Kay). Her parents seem oblivious to the problems such a name could create.

No word yet on the outcome. Her last name was not mentioned in the article.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10523288

btw... Benson and Hedges (a cigarette in the US) was a name given to twins in NZ.

please, would you take my picture?

man murders Lawn Boy

Have you ever been frustrated with your lawn mower? You pull the cord and pull the cord and pull and pull and pull... and nothing happens.

What should you do?

Here is an idea: take out your shotgun and blast the thing. Teach it a lesson.

That is what Keith Walendowski, 56, did this week when his Lawn Boy mower failed to start. Like any clear thinker, he took out his gun and shot the thing dead. Defending his rational behavior, Walendowski said, "I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want."

The lawnmower did not start after the shooting. But Walendowski got arrested and could face up to 6 years and an $11,000 fine.

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20080725/D92553G00.html

good thinking, Keith. Now, mowers across America will think twice before failing to start.

products you must have

pet rabbit saves owner

We have heard stories of heroic dogs who saved their master's life. We have even heard, perhaps, stories of a cat, pig or horse that has done something similar.

But a rabbit?

This week, a couple in Melbourne, Austrialia was awoken by the sound of their pet rabbit scratching at their bedroom door. The man, thinking it was peculiar that his pet rabbit was scratching at the door, got up to investigate.

When he did, he found that his house was on fire. They called the fire department and escaped without harm.

The fire eventually caused "substantial" damage to the house. The local fire commander, Mick Swift, credits the rabbit with saving the couple from injury.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2940041.html?menu=news.quirkies

historic typo in the Valley Newss

On July 21, the Valley News of Lebanon, NH / White River Junction, VT made a historic typo when they misspelled the name of the paper on the front page masthead.



the following day, the paper printed this apology...



via ananova and regret the error blog

The typo has been fixed on the online version of the paper.

swimming pool bloopers

bank robber leaves a check

This week, a man entered a Bank of America branch in Ocala, Florida and handed a teller a note that said he had a .45 caliber gun and demanded money.

The teller complied with his demands.

A few hours later the same man entered a second bank, handed the teller a similar note and escaped by use of a taxi.

The police promptly arrested 33-year-old Patrick Johnson.

How did they arrest him so quickly? How do they know he was the thief?

First, they found Patrick in the back of the taxi.

And -- oh yes, the notes he passed to the teller were written on the backs of his own personal checks.

http://www.myfoxorlando.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=7030786&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1

memo to Patrick: purchase a notepad.

workplace safety (part 6)

for similar posts, click on "workplace safety" label.
...and thanks again, Jan :)

lunch at the animal park

hey kids... let's go see the animals and then have lunch.

church signs gone awry

most of these via The Crummy Church Signs blog.

every suitcase has a story

Last week, a female passanger on the London Tube (subway) had her suitcase stolen. The thief was a well-dressed man who offered to carry her heavy suitcase up the escalator. Once at the top, he made off with it.

In itself, that is not a particularly newsworthy story. What makes it worthy of our attention is the contents of the suitcase.

The thief certainly believed he was getting away with something valuable. What he took was the remains of a dead dog.

The day before, the pet of one of Sarah's friends died. They asked Sarah (no last name given) to take the remains to the vet for disposal because they could not do it themselves. Wanting to help, Sarah started out with the dead dog inside a suitcase.

Unfortunately, while on the way, Sarah's car broke down. So, she found herself dragging a very heavy suitcase into Victoria Station. That is when the thief spotted her and made his move.

'The guy was a pro. But I would have liked to have been there when he opened the suitcase." said one witness.

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=223742&in_page_id=2

engagement announcements: more unfortunate name combinations

for more from previous posts, click "engaged to wed" label

pitvertising

Have you ever been annoyed by the fact that advertisements are ubiquitous?

As if we don't have enough advertising around us, Right Guard deodorant is trying a new tactic they affectionately call "pitvertising."

As the name suggests, digital screens are sewn into the armpit of a shirt. Then, with a simple lift of the arm, we can watch an advertisement by staring at someone's armpit.

Does life get any better than this?? Isn't this a great time to be alive??

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2931476.html?menu=news.quirkies&no_cj_c=1 http://www.nzherald.co.nz/column/story.cfm?c_id=702&objectid=10522623

Erik Mongrain: you have never heard a guitar played this way. amazing.

1964 historical summary

add baby to your household payroll

Its not a supposed to be joke. It is not tongue-in-cheek. It is a device that you can attach to your baby that will allow the child to be a human mop. Available in Japan, this product promises to help your child become a useful household worker. The sales promo says this:

'After the birth of a child there's always the temptation to say 'Yes, it's cute, but what can it do?'

'Until recently the answer was simply 'lie there and cry' but now babies can be put on the payroll, so to speak, almost as soon as they're born.

'Just dress your young one in Baby Mops and set him or her down on any hard wood or tile floor that needs cleaning.'

'You may at first need to get things started by calling to the infant from across the room, but pretty soon they'll be doing it by themselves.'

Think it sounds a little like child abuse? The ad goes on to say:

'There's no child exploitation involved. The kid is doing what he does best anyway: crawling. But with Baby Mops he's also learning responsibility and a healthy work ethic.'

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=223083&in_page_id=2

Coming soon: Tired of having your aging parent just taking up space? Help them regain the thrill of work by using "Walker Mops." Just attach these specially designed mops to the feet of any walker. Now, when pa shuffles to the bathroom, your floor will be dust and particle free!

Act now, and at no additional cost we will send you two elbow mops so when pa falls, he can still be "on the payroll," so to speak, while he is waiting for someone to help him up.

korean drummer steals the show

link fixed (sorry, the original post was good at the time...8 hours later, the video was unavailable!)
Watch the drummer in this video. He completely upstages the singer. (Be patient with this video, it begins with about 15 seconds of black... but it is worth the wait.)

cross-purposes in advertising

in case of space ship accident: we have you covered

Have you ever laid in bed at night and worried: "Man, what if I get into a space ship accident? How will the doctors be able to classify me? What code will my insurance company recognize and cover?"

Good news: You need not worry anymore. The ICD (International Classification of Diseases) has established a code for injury on or by a spaceship. It is ICD-E845.0. However, if you are weightless at the time of the injury, your hospital code will be E928.8.

The ICD has gone to great lengths to give us a comprehensive list of every possible disease or injury. For example, a bite from non-venomous arthropod is E906.4. To see the whole list, click here.

memo: the man who spends time creating these codes may be E300.8
(unclassified neurotic disorder)

http://www.sciam.com/blog/60-second-science/post.cfm?id=hit-by-a-flying-saucer-heres-your-m-2008-07-16&sc=rss

look closely

I found some interesting pictures at the NIEHS Optical Illusion page

How many horses can you see in this picture? (for answer, see bottom of post)




This is not really an illusion, but is interesting. Can you find a man's face in the coffee beans? It is said that if you can find it in three seconds or less that your right brain is well developed. (This is not a joke. There really is a man's face there.)



the answer is... it is claimed that there are seven. Most people will find five.

priorities-- a new demotivator poster by despair.com

For those of us with eyes that have difficulty seeing smaller print, the poster says,

Priorities. Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... but the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction.

(These can be ordered in various styles from despair.com ... I am not working for them, but their website is http://despair.com/priorities.html)

I can see why.

Some stories just don't need further explanation. We already understand why. :)

why your Christmas presents never arrived.

Wrong address? Send them a post card to get the right one....



good thinking, UPS

please oh please give me my wallet back

On Monday afternoon, Yaakov Kanelsky, 49, returned home to his Brooklyn apartment after a brief shopping trip. Standing outside Kanelsky's kitchen window was Victor Marin, 20. Marin asked if he could come into Kanelsky's apartment.

"What do you want? Why are you here?" asked Kanelsky.

"I left my wallet inside your house." explained Marin.

This, of course struck Kanelsky as being not-a-little odd, since he didn't know Marin. "Why were you in my house???" he asked.

Marin explained that he had needed to use the bathroom.

When asked why he would have entered into the home of a perfect stranger to use a bathroom, Marin answered, "It doesn't matter. I need my wallet. I forgot my wallet. It's in your bedroom."

Kanelsky dialed 911 as Marin went from the kitchen window to the front door of the apartment. "If you give me my wallet, I'll give you back your money," Marin promised, hollering through the door.

Kanelsky checked. Sure enough, he was missing $218 from his bedroom. He also found a wallet and sunglasses on his bed.

Returning to the front door with Marin still outside, Kanelsky told Marin to return the money. So, Marin started sliding the money under the door.

After sending through $125 in larger bills, Marin found that one-dollar bills made a stack that was too thick to fit under the door, so, Marin started sliding the ones under the door one at a time.

Unfortunately for Marin, that is just when the police arrived. Not only did they find Marin sliding stolen bills under the door... they also got his wallet (with complete identification) inside the apartment.

http://www.nypost.com/seven/07142008/news/regionalnews/crook__needs_a_clue_119842.htm

more (very) unfortunate ad placements

someone needs to fix the computer program that places ads like these...





via Worse Than Failure website

man reports stolen money stolen

On Friday morning, John Opperman-Green of Kissimmee, Florida called the police and reported that he had been robbed.

The police questioned John and learned that he had just robbed a local 7-Eleven. After the robbery, John got a ride from some men that he didn't know. Those men, in turn, stole the money John had stolen from 7-Eleven. John apparently wanted police to help him find the robbers.

John was arrested for the robbery of the 7-Eleven and also implicated himself in another robbery that had taken place the day before.

http://www.wftv.com/news/16810548/detail.html?rss=orlc&psp=news%20target=

John, maybe someone ought to explain the whole "police" concept to you.

parachute granny loses her teeth

death by sofa

This week, a woman in St. Petersburg will be the first wife in history to actually plant her couch-potato husband.

The unnamed woman was disgusted with her drunk husband who refused to get out of bed. After an argument with him, the woman kicked the handle of a mechanism that causes the sofa-bed to fold up against a wall.

The woman then stormed out of the room. Three hours later, she returned to a husband who seemed to be sleeping very soundly.

Upon entering the room, she saw that he was still in his underwear and actually jammed between the mattress and the back of the couch. He was also quite dead.

All indications are that the man died instantly.

I have heard many people say, "When I die, I want it to happen quickly while I'm in bed." This is probably not what they have in mind.

Bob Basler, a blogging friend at Reuter's, had this apt comment on the story:

When death happens, you like to think it won’t be in such an embarrassing way that some jerky humor blogger will use it. So how will they write this poor guy’s obit to retain some measure of dignity? I’ve thought about this, and I’ve told my wife that in the event I die a similar fold-out sofa-related death, here’s what she may truthfully tell our friends: “Oh, Bob died in his convertible!”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25606488/

http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2008/07/09/col-mustard-in-the-study-with-a-folding-sofa/

important health news

I hope you find these articles informative...

not your brightest "Wheel of Fortune" contestant

ummmm. that isn't a cell phone you feel.

Abbie Hawkins noticed a slight vibration in her clothing when she was on her way to work at the Holiday Inn in Norwich, England. At first, she just thought it was her cell phone. It wasn't.

Five hours later, Abbie, 19, realized that the strange vibrations were not coming from her cell phone. So, she decided to take a look. She was shocked to find-- a bat had taken up residence in the padding of her bra.

The baby bat must have settled in the bra padding when it was hanging outside drying the day before. Abbie hadn't noticed anything odd when she put it on that morning. (??!)

The baby bat, which was the size of her hand, flew around the Holiday Inn for a little while before it was set free.

Bat experts say that bats have been known to hide in coats, bags, umbrellas... and now, underwear.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2266900/Teenager-finds-baby-bat-in-her-bra.html

http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/4614114a4560.html

And now, to receive the award for "least observant"...

Japanese protest prank

credited as coming from Japanese TV but watermarked PersianToronto.com. great prank.

mice and stupidity live in a trailer

overkill [oh-ver-kill]
--noun
3. an excess of what is required or suitable, as because of zeal or misjudgment.
--http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=overkill

An example:
This week, a 43-year-old Potter Valley, California woman noticed that she had some mice in her small trailer. So naturally, she decided she would eliminate the mice by shooting them with a .44 Magnum revolver.

She drew the gun from the holster and waited for one of the little pests to show its tiny face. (What could possibly go wrong with shooting a .44 Magnum inside a small trailer?)

Unfortunately, while she waited, the revolver slipped from her hand and fell to the floor. When it struck the floor, the revolver discharged and blew a hole through her right kneecap.

The bullet then struck the keys that were hanging from her boyfriend's belt loop. The keys deflected the bullet through the man's pants, grazed his groin and ended up in his pocket.

The Sheriff's Office is holding the bullet for evidence. Presumably, the woman will be charged with reckless endangerment and terminal stupidity. The mice were unharmed.

http://www.pressdemocrat.com/article/20080708/NEWS05/807080371/1350&title=Would_be_mice_killer_shoots_self

incredible accidents 1

paint throwing prank

before and after ads (part 2)

One good way to sell a product is to demonstrate its effectiveness by displaying "before and after" photos. For example:



It must be real. She is wearing the same clothes and jewelry to prove it.




"the BabyBake 3000, featuring the latest in infant-tanning technology" (??)... the kid looks slightly overbaked to me

for part one, click here

UFO sighting: man reports mysterious bright orb in sky

This week, the South Wales Police in the UK received an emergency call on their 999 line (the same as 911 in the US). A man reported a mysterious object in the sky. This is the actual transcript of the call:

Control Room: "South Wales Police, what's your emergency?"

Caller: "It's not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there's a bright stationary object."

Control room: "Right."

Caller: "If you've got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It's been there at least half an hour and it's still there."

Control: "It's been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?"

Caller: "It's in the air."

Control: "I will send someone up there now to check it out."

Caller: "OK."

Within minutes, police responded to the scene and observed the same mysterious object in the air. The transcript continues:

Control: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"

Officer: "Yes, it's the moon. Over."

The call, according to a South Wales Police spokesperson, was not a hoax. She said, "It was 100% legitimate. There was no hoax. It was a serious call from a member of the public."

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=204958&in_page_id=2

I saw a very bright one the other morning. It was golden and shiny and slowly moved in the eastern sky. By nighttime, it was gone.

wedding announcements: more unfortunate name combinations

for more, click the "engaged to wed" label

our national anthem: I think

for sale: the stuff I stole from you last week

Last week, Fred and Betty McAteers returned to a home they own in Ocala, Florida and found that it had been burglarized. Furniture, pictures, glassware and other valuable items were missing. The place had been ransacked.

On Tuesday of this week, the McAteers decided to walk around their neighborhood to see if anyone knew anything about robbery. They were just hoping that someone had seen something suspicious.

A couple of blocks away from their home, they spotted their dresser on a front lawn, being sold at a garage sale. hmmmm...... in fact, many items there were strangely familiar.

The police were called and arrested Branden Mitchell Gardiner for robbery and sale of stolen property.

The 22-year-old genius told buyers that relatives had given him the sale items. He also boasted at the sale that he had more "stuff" to sell. He even showed them pictures of the merchandise on his cell phone.

http://www.ocala.com/article/20080702/NEWS/807020351/0/sports01

strange story, but as I post it, I am also wondering why this story is found in the Ocala.com "local sports" section (follow link to see).

national anthem: she shoulda quit the first time

man wins argument. man loses argument.

The July 1st East Valley Tribune reported that police from Mesa, Arizona were called to an apartment where a ferocious domestic argument was taking place.

Neighbors and police heard the voices of a man and woman arguing loudly. The front window of the apartment was smashed out. The noise made it clear that the inside of the apartment was being destroyed.

Officers approached the apartment and found -- a 21-year-old man arguing with himself. He alternated the pitch of his voice as he carried on an argument between himself and himself.

Officers helped the man calm down. He was taken into custody for further observation.

No word on what the argument was about or who won.

http://copshop.freedomblogging.com/2008/07/01/mesa-man-changes-voices-argues-with-self/

The picture above is not actually the broken window described in the story but is, rather, a reasonable representation that depicts the event described herein. It was found in a random search for "broken window" on Google images. Any likeness to a window you have actually seen or own is strictly coincidental. No actual glass was broken or injured during the composition of this post.

clever business cards, part 1

for a hand-made furniture maker...


dental care...


for a chest doctor and allergy center...


for a graphic designer...


(my favorite) for a second-hand shop...


greyhound adoption agency...

via http://creativebits.org/cool_business_card_designs